explico_photography

I have spent all day today posting on the Just Blow me website so I can pimp my work. I think I have lost my mind. 25 posts of crap, I could have just said ya or something but no i give it the good college try. I try to say something worth saying... This is for porn webmaster it is strange to see the different things people think about. A lot of things are on peoples minds these days, but as for me I feel nuts from this all day job. This was so I can post my work. God I hope something comes out of it.

Shooting is so odd for me... To start I push several drinks down me... My make up person shows up this makes everything nicer for me. I used to not work with makeup people now I feel safer, less strange and more real. Makeup makes everything great to me less photoshop in truth I try to do almost no photoshop. People freak when I tell them my normal turn around time for a job 24-48 for 4 model 4 sets per. People are like are you crazy, with your look. I tell them it is all lights and makeup no photoshop so once it is shot it is done. I do little tweaks but nothing crazy. I am beat today, getting this stuff to Germany so I can take full advantage of our econmic colapse by selling my work now in Euros... My stroke of genus in my drug addled mind. Well here are a few pictures from the shoot I am not sure what I am going to do with this site if I will add a gallery, or just leave it as a blog... But take a peek.

I love that devil ducky in some way in some of my pictures he has become me just watching, not really caring, not really having anything to say. Just watching not even getting off.

I love all things medical I am not sure if it is one one would call a fetish. I don't sit and beat off to medical tools... I just think they look so cool, cold, and shiney... I guess cold, cool, and shiney is sexy at times.

And I love this picture her ass is like up in the air and she is scratching something into the ground like a crazy person. This is what I often feel like, my ass is just out in the wind about to be fucked by everyone and all I can do is scratch something into the ground that says I was here. This is were I got fucked... I loved it when she started scratching with the tools on the ground...

I have started to look back at my work as I press into something new. I look back and smile. And I wish to bring some of the ideas about these shoots to people who care to listen. I love this it was after a very long day of shooting, just pure smut for profit... I shoot work in groups of 5 to 10 models do all the photo shopping and such and then sell them. This was really at an end of one of those work benders that pull out bout 40 or so sets. I was shooting solid for about two weeks, for many people that is a dream naked women stretched out pulling their clothes open and giving you their sexiest... But for me it can be painful. Every shoot is a love affair between my models and my camera, but for me to do my job well I must feel in my heart that love is for me. And so at the end of every shoot when the door closes is a small broken heart. I think my work is about love and beauty: forming a lust that is built out of that and not just pure sex something more emotional and deep. Something that hurts when it is gone even if it is all just fake and in your head. But this shoot was nice I wanted something more fashiony and fun, something sexy but not trashy. We spoke as I shot... I tend to talk a lot not sure why I talk better to people I don’t really know than those I do. Sometimes shooting is more like seeing a shrink. We talked about love, sex, and emotion in ways and a depth that few couples could ever speak and we did not even know each other before this day. I guess at times that is the amazing thing about what I do it allows you to be so real, everything is already out on the table why not tell the truth, the way we feel about the world, our selves, the things we really care about... We spoke with such truth and honesty... And then like that she was gone never to speak again. And this is the way that my days roll by... It has moments that are so great and it has dark moments that you know how alone you really are.

I have not written a blog or shot in a while. I have not shown my work in about 4 months. It is strange but sometimes we must step back before we can step forward. I am starting to shoot again I think I have been able to cut loose some of the more destructive parts of my madness. I know things about myself, not pretty things but dark things that have pulled me down underwater time, and time again. So now I face them, I hold them close to me... I am me all that good and all that bad. My work is all part of that, some say I am a pervert, others say I am not peverted enough and I am just a poser. Who knows, who cares all I know is that I good at making images, people pay me to do it. But I have come away understanding that money is not enough. Part of being the sort of photographer I am has a dark side to it that understand so well. Yes I am a pervert, but what does that really mean. I am looking for soul, and beauty in sex, nudity... I don’t see myself as a pornographer I see myself as an artist. I understand that much of what I do is just something that people jerk off to... But to me it is an exploration of beauty and sensuality one of the few things in this life that keeps humanity coming back for.

Occupational Hazard, I want to go to sleep. I will not be able to get anymore of the nice chemcals that help me slide into that happy place that for a few hours everynight. I can just rest my mind. I have a few more days before I return to my home... I know under my sink is a nice wood box that will make all of this right. Sounds sick... It is sick. Good thing no one really hires me in the normal sense they would read this they would oh my God. I just sell them their little pretty pictures so old dudes can beat off to them... One day I will be an old dude will I be beating off to some crazy fucks pictures. Who knows.