I am the after birth of a failed cultural Revolution that should have taken place and held in this nation. I remember as a small boy house boats in San Francisco. People ask me questions about why I am the way I am... I am the son of many worlds, and I beg the sky for just one world. Everything now seams so messed up the sign of my birth has come back. We are at war, our nations economy if falling like Sky Lab, and the people our quickly loosing heart. I remember well the last time something like this had happened poverty made the streets of Los Angeles run red with blood until the pressure got so deep they lit the whole damn city on fire. I sat on my roof and watched it burn. Thinking perhaps now things will change. I was just a kid, but I went out and took pictures of the riots. I was odd to see all the guys with m-16 walking around. Most people were so happy to see them. I watched as an old black woman ran out and gave some of the men some homemade cookies. It was crazy to me. Now I regret not stealing anything I should have stolen music, and camera gear. We all paid it any ways... I should not watch the news I feel like something bad is about to happen. Like the other foot is going to come down the ice is going to crack and we all fall in.

Only a noble man can lift the stones of honesty. I fear there are few noble men left. And most likely I am not one of them.

The ablove picture I really love, shot it in Mexico I use to just hang out at the meat market with my camera. Just watched them chop red meat. I loved watching the dogs they were all over just waiting for a scrap to hit the ground. They braved life, and limb to just mouth that scrap of dead red flesh.

Well the shoot that all of this is about was a spec shoot of sorts. A new client asked me to come up with something edgy and cool. I guess it was to edgy because they do not want it. Same thing, blood, naked girl, and shiney medical tools. It make big credit card companies uneasy. I guess other things don't make them uneasy like say "Monsters of Cock", were they take the dude with the hugest cock and shove it into the smallest chick they can find. Master they are way cool with that... I think. I am not sure I have not signed up for their site... Oh what an odd world we live in.

I asked this question about my work on a popular adult business forum.

"what do you people really sells better I am a photographer I shoot fetish work a great deal in the underground art scene. I am starting to put out content for webmaster for sites but I am asking myself am I spending to much time on style. Do viewers really want that, is there a place for it in the over all business of things.... Please look at my image sample. My work gets pretty hard core along these lines, lots of color and contrast but is it a distraction from the over all idea that a person is really just going to beat off to these pictures and not hand them on their wall.

for some reason I can't link or attach images so please check my website for samples"

a person responded:

"This type of content has a hard time getting monetized, because so many credit card processors will not deal with a Web site that displays blood in connection with a sexual scene, even artificial blood (or simulated sex). So already you have dramatically limited your potential customers if you're looking to sell your content.

Art is art, but if you're trying to make money from it, you've chosen one of the most difficult photographic forms to do it."

I am to porn to be art to art to be porn... The middle, alwasy the middle. In a push to to touch the edge of what is possible I find the middle.

Blood is bad... I know this. I am not into the blood shoot and yet so much of my work has blood or some kind blood like thing. I think it comes from when I was a young man in College. Me and my girlfriend at the time had a bit of a crazy relationship. She was rich, I was a staving student of art... Drugs oh my we were bad kids. She went down hill really bad really fast. Got into a program I member sitting at a bar just out side of the station on 72nd street in New York as she would go to her AA meetings. So as one would think things did not go well. And I remember one day she took a bath, and I got this idea that she had been that tub for to long I knocked on the door all I could hear was her crying. It was an old NY door even if locked you just shoved and it opened. It did and their was lots of blood she had the most pale skin and red blood. I hate the blood shoot and yet I do it.

The funny thing is about this shoot to is that I was not even thinking blood it is red lipstick. I was sex she has lip stick on her hands, and on her mask... It is a big kiss. Not blood. So strange but I can see why one would think that is was blood... Blood makes it scary in terms of the laws. And billing companies that deal in adult sites won't touch stuff that has to with blood. I learned this from another friend.

But I was very happy that this person who wrote this took the time to write me they told me some other details that are very helpful. But I can't stop thinking about the blood.

Last night like many nights when I a bored I sit and see what people are talking about on this models and photographers website. It is a good look into the minds of the masses most of them are just normal problems, few are really do it for a living they are weekend warriors filling the needs of either exhibtionism of vouyism masterbating their egos. On this forum a girl speaks of how she is just falling can't eat, can't sleep, just is not right. 2/3 of the people were like people in crowd just asking the person to jump. It was sad. But these days I think I am watching everything fall. Am I living in the age when the modern world comes undone and if so what should I be doing. I am out of my fav. booze and the store has no more well the store that sits under my loft I am to lazy to go to another store. I don't look forward to drinking something else tonight.

I have spent all day today posting on the Just Blow me website so I can pimp my work. I think I have lost my mind. 25 posts of crap, I could have just said ya or something but no i give it the good college try. I try to say something worth saying... This is for porn webmaster it is strange to see the different things people think about. A lot of things are on peoples minds these days, but as for me I feel nuts from this all day job. This was so I can post my work. God I hope something comes out of it.

Shooting is so odd for me... To start I push several drinks down me... My make up person shows up this makes everything nicer for me. I used to not work with makeup people now I feel safer, less strange and more real. Makeup makes everything great to me less photoshop in truth I try to do almost no photoshop. People freak when I tell them my normal turn around time for a job 24-48 for 4 model 4 sets per. People are like are you crazy, with your look. I tell them it is all lights and makeup no photoshop so once it is shot it is done. I do little tweaks but nothing crazy. I am beat today, getting this stuff to Germany so I can take full advantage of our econmic colapse by selling my work now in Euros... My stroke of genus in my drug addled mind. Well here are a few pictures from the shoot I am not sure what I am going to do with this site if I will add a gallery, or just leave it as a blog... But take a peek.

I love that devil ducky in some way in some of my pictures he has become me just watching, not really caring, not really having anything to say. Just watching not even getting off.

I love all things medical I am not sure if it is one one would call a fetish. I don't sit and beat off to medical tools... I just think they look so cool, cold, and shiney... I guess cold, cool, and shiney is sexy at times.

And I love this picture her ass is like up in the air and she is scratching something into the ground like a crazy person. This is what I often feel like, my ass is just out in the wind about to be fucked by everyone and all I can do is scratch something into the ground that says I was here. This is were I got fucked... I loved it when she started scratching with the tools on the ground...

I have started to look back at my work as I press into something new. I look back and smile. And I wish to bring some of the ideas about these shoots to people who care to listen. I love this it was after a very long day of shooting, just pure smut for profit... I shoot work in groups of 5 to 10 models do all the photo shopping and such and then sell them. This was really at an end of one of those work benders that pull out bout 40 or so sets. I was shooting solid for about two weeks, for many people that is a dream naked women stretched out pulling their clothes open and giving you their sexiest... But for me it can be painful. Every shoot is a love affair between my models and my camera, but for me to do my job well I must feel in my heart that love is for me. And so at the end of every shoot when the door closes is a small broken heart. I think my work is about love and beauty: forming a lust that is built out of that and not just pure sex something more emotional and deep. Something that hurts when it is gone even if it is all just fake and in your head. But this shoot was nice I wanted something more fashiony and fun, something sexy but not trashy. We spoke as I shot... I tend to talk a lot not sure why I talk better to people I don’t really know than those I do. Sometimes shooting is more like seeing a shrink. We talked about love, sex, and emotion in ways and a depth that few couples could ever speak and we did not even know each other before this day. I guess at times that is the amazing thing about what I do it allows you to be so real, everything is already out on the table why not tell the truth, the way we feel about the world, our selves, the things we really care about... We spoke with such truth and honesty... And then like that she was gone never to speak again. And this is the way that my days roll by... It has moments that are so great and it has dark moments that you know how alone you really are.

I have not written a blog or shot in a while. I have not shown my work in about 4 months. It is strange but sometimes we must step back before we can step forward. I am starting to shoot again I think I have been able to cut loose some of the more destructive parts of my madness. I know things about myself, not pretty things but dark things that have pulled me down underwater time, and time again. So now I face them, I hold them close to me... I am me all that good and all that bad. My work is all part of that, some say I am a pervert, others say I am not peverted enough and I am just a poser. Who knows, who cares all I know is that I good at making images, people pay me to do it. But I have come away understanding that money is not enough. Part of being the sort of photographer I am has a dark side to it that understand so well. Yes I am a pervert, but what does that really mean. I am looking for soul, and beauty in sex, nudity... I don’t see myself as a pornographer I see myself as an artist. I understand that much of what I do is just something that people jerk off to... But to me it is an exploration of beauty and sensuality one of the few things in this life that keeps humanity coming back for.